Thursday, August 30, 2012

Thursday Morning. I have a crick in my neck.

I fell asleep on the couch last night watching Bravo. Gallery Girls, specifically. Which I actually loathe, really, except my disgust with the show is exactly why I can't stop watching it. Rich, anorexic 20somethings judging each other for living in the wrong hip NYC neighborhood and openly explaining that their "daddy" has "a ridiculous amount of money" and set up a trust so that they could "go out, party, and be part of the art world" - which apparently means showing up two hours late, approximately once a week, for an "internship" at a gallery run by someone just like them but 30 years older.

There has been very little ART in Gallery Girls thus far. But a lot of very red lipstick and collar bones.

In any event, I fell asleep on the couch watching this bullshit, and it's a reasonable punishment, I think, that I slept in an odd position on an odd shaped pile of couch pillows and now the right side of my neck hurts to the touch. I woke up at 5am and managed to get to my bed to sleep for a few more hours, but the damage had been done. I have a headache, my brain feels fuzzy and I want a do-over on my day.

But it's only noon, so there is still time to fix my day, right? (MY day? Yes, everyone, I OWN Thursday, August 30, 2012. It is MINE). This latte will be a cure-all. I'm sure of it. I would take a picture of my latte but my phone is in the other room and the latte is almost gone and it seems like a lot of work for a boring photo.

Also, I didn't blog yesterday like I said I would. Oops.


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Tuesday Morning. I would rather be reading.

I have an on again, off again relationship with my Kindle.

And right now we are pretty hot and heavy.

I've actually referred to my Kindle as my boyfriend for years. I dated a guy once who, on our third date, told me that he wanted to "replace" my Kindle.

His word choice alone - and the implication therein - should have saved me the disaster of a relationship that followed, but c'est la vie, right?

I go back and forth between thinking a LOT about the past and trying to be as totally and completely PRESENT as I possibly can. I read Ekhart Tolle's books, A New Earth and The Power of Now, in July and was really compelled to be more aware of my ego and how it was actually interacting with people FOR me, to be more connected to the present moment and being okay in it, and to seeing the sheer nature of my consciousness and being as something divine and ENOUGH. (Okay, okay - full disclosure - A New Earth was riveting and actually SORT OF sometimes made sense to me, in an obtuse and esoteric kind of way. The Power of Now is kind of choppy and I haven't ACTUALLY finished yet).

The thing is, and maybe this is one of my proverbial crosses to bear, I've always been overly sensitive and aware of TIME PASSING. The story continuing on and on and on and on. Staying content in the present without bringing the past with me is so damn difficult. I was 18 years old finishing my freshman year of college, (and I got to go to my DREAM COLLEGE and I loved, loved, loved it SO much), and I remember thinking, as I walked out of Gund 212 to take a box down to the minivan, "I'm 25% done with college. Oh NO!"

That's not really living in the moment. That's creating anxiety about time passing.

Lemon water. First thing. Every morning.
But I've always had this underlying anxiety about time passing. And I can look back on anything and everything - EVEN YESTERDAY FOR CHRIST'S SAKE - through rose-colored glasses and I start to MOURN it. I mourn the passage of time in some small way every single day. And I sort of hate living like this. It all but paralyzes me sometimes.

But I see life like this big, interwoven, fascinating STORY, and it's why I love to read so much, or maybe my love of reading from such a young age is WHY I see life like this big, interwoven, fascinating story. And I get frustrated that the only part of the story I can really hold on to, or READ, is the past, and I can't quite seem to make the present or my future into what I want it to be yet.

So I try to be really present and aware in the now, this now, AND THIS NOW, and this now (and I teach it day in and day out in yoga classes) and present to the reality of my consciousness - my spirit - that is the same divine spark of awareness that is the essence of ALL beings. And it makes sense for a split second here and a split second there, and I guess that should be a good place to start.

But mostly I just want to read, read, read - to devourer books that tell the stories that I would sort of like to tell with none of the apologies I feel like I have to offer in regards to how I see and feel and experience the world. 

Monday, August 27, 2012

Monday Morning. It feels like fall.

I adore autumn. For me, this is the true New Year. (I also despise New Year's Eve and the month of January, generally, so this just works out better for me, anyway). I realize it's August 27, and therefore not ACTUALLY autumn at all, but the weather has been a bit gray and rainy and it just feels like the seasons are shifting. I think the insane heat of July, during which I got accustomed to a heat index of 120 degrees for WEEKS on end, has made the 80s feels downright chilly. When I make it back north it's going to take me some time to readjust, but I don't think it will be difficult. I was the 6-year old who decided, while laying in a huge snow drift in Cleveland Hts., Ohio, that I must be some kind of snow fairy, because I wasn't cold. I was angry that my mom made me get out of the snow drift and come inside. "Of COURSE I won't freeze to death, mom! I'm a SNOW FAIRY! Don't you KNOW?!?"

Last week I spent all of my time fending off a cold. My friend Cleo introduced me to the most amazing supplement EVER, called Ultimate Immunity. I have never seen such dramatic results from a supplement in my entire life. I was feeling AWFUL. I started taking them on Wednesday night - on the intensive schedule per the bottle - and by Friday morning I knew I was on the other side of this monster of a cold. Thank you, Cleo. This week I want to focus on getting even healthier, and maybe more regimented. With my eating. Exercising. My yoga and meditation practices. Keeping my house clean. Taking baby steps toward goals I have. Etc. After months away, I'm considering turning back to the blog for accountability and consistency. But I'm bad at long term goals - they tend to overwhelm me and I shut down. So instead, a five day goal. I'm going to write every morning for the next five days. It doesn't have to be long, remotely creative or even a bit eloquent. But I'll write. Something.

For today I will write this: if you want a hit of greens in the morning, throw collard greens into the Ninja with a cup of coconut water. Blend, blend, blend. Add a banana and 4-5 ice cubes. Blend, blend, blend. It ends up tasting like banana deliciousness, and you don't have to chew the little pieces of greens like you do when using kale. Life lesson: collard greens work WAY better in smoothies than kale. And according to this big sign I saw at Whole Foods many a month ago, they are actually rated higher than kale in some arbitrary nutrition rating thing that Whole Foods makes seem very important.

Fret not, Cassie. I still love kale. I love kale the very best. More than collards. But I like eating kale sauteed with garlic and grapeseed oil, then simmered in vegetable stock for 20 minutes , or crisped up as kale chips, or in soup. In smoothies it never quite blends up enough.

Today I had collards in my breakfast, I'm having spinach as part of my lunch, and kale as part of my dinner. Three different greens in one day!! I'm a huge dork for being excited about this. I know.

Also, two years ago today I graduated from yoga school at Kripalu, which is how I first began eating copious amounts of kale on a weekly basis. Thank you, Kripalu.

The End. =)